Sing, Calliope, sing your
song to me of
The Ballad of the Legend
of the Fish named Trashy

He Swims in the Ocean
He Swims in the Sea
He Swims for you
he swims for me

He swims for justice
He swims for truth
He swims for the elderly
He swims for the youth

He swims through Mellow Yellow
He swims through Mountain Dew
He swims for me
and he swims for you…

For his mother was a rock star
His dad is the sun
He nursed in the great grey
beard of Poseidon.

He invented science and
taught Odin how to dance
His fins are made of metal
His pants are made of pants

Trashy never lies
Trashy tells the truth
Trashy tutored Socrates
he thwarted John-Wilkes Booth’s

Attempts to desalinize the ocean...

One day as Trashy swam
there approached a mermaid fair,
with seashells on her bosom
and coral in her hair.

She spoke: “Oh noble trashy
I have come to seek your help-
There is an evil rising in the
Land Beyond the Kelp.

The reef has been polluted
with innocent fish blood.
The manta rays are dying
The squids are being squud.

The Crab Kingdom is crumbling
There is bile on the beach
The octopuses left
have but seven pusses each.

Will you help us Trashy
to defeat the rising evil?
Will you be the savior
of the underwater people?”

Trashy considered the plight of the Land Beyond the Kelp. And he answered thusly. Mermaid, :

My mother was a rock star
And my dad is the sun
and I nursed in the great grey
beard of Poseidon

I invented Science
I taught Odin how to dance
My fins are made of metal
and my pants are made of pants

I will help you mermaid!
I will save you home!
I will slay the daemon
But I can’t do it alone

For Trashy had fallen in love with the mermaid princess, and together they began an epic training montage. They rode sea panthers, hurled boulders, dueled with swordfish, and ran up the steps of Poseidon’s palace. This training montage was so epic that it led into the super secret part, 1, 2, ready go.


The mermaid and the fish
Fell in love like this
It was real it was true
salty and blue

The hero and the maid,
what a team they made
Gonna fight gonna swim
gonna save the kingdom

Guitar Solo!

And after many days of kung fu, archery, and underwater Pilates, the mermaid finally said to Trashy,

Your mother was a rock star
And your dad was the sun
And you nursed in the great grey
beard of Poseidon.

You invented science and
taught Odin how to dance
Your fins are made of metal
Your pants are made of pants

Trahy, you have trained well
I have taught you all I know
But we must fight the Demon King
So now it’s time to go!

And so trashy and the mermaid made a journey to the land beyond the kelp. They saw many strange things along the way. Like an underwater moose, and a door that opened into Trashius’ very own soul.

At one point, Trashy had to pilot a miniature submarine through the digestive track of a shark. And solve a rubix cube. Which was on fire. Finally, they came to the Land beyond the Kelp to confront the Demon King.
 

Trashy rode his sea panther
onto the sandy plain
His metal fins they glistened
in the underwater flames

The demon king came forth:
he was a hundred stories high,
with nipples made of missiles
and laser guns for eyes.

The Demon summoned creatures
made of cartilage and fear
Trashy dodged the creatures
and he raised his father’s spear.

Trashy threw his spear with the
force of a freight train.
The javelin flew true
and struck the monster in the brain.

The Demon King exploded
Noble trashy saved the day
the fish came out of hiding
and they all began to say,

Trashy’s mother was a rock star
and his dad is the sun
and he nursed in the great grey
beard of Poseidon.

He invented science and
taught Odin how to dance
his fins are made of metal
his pants are made of pants

Let us sing of noble trashy
The savior of the sea
The one who slew the demon king
who swims for you and me.