Sing, Calliope, sing your song to me of The Ballad of the Legend of the Fish named Trashy He Swims in the Ocean He Swims in the Sea He Swims for you he swims for me He swims for justice He swims for truth He swims for the elderly He swims for the youth He swims through Mellow Yellow He swims through Mountain Dew He swims for me and he swims for you… For his mother was a rock star His dad is the sun He nursed in the great grey beard of Poseidon. He invented science and taught Odin how to dance His fins are made of metal His pants are made of pants Trashy never lies Trashy tells the truth Trashy tutored Socrates he thwarted John-Wilkes Booth’s Attempts to desalinize the ocean... One day as Trashy swam there approached a mermaid fair, with seashells on her bosom and coral in her hair. She spoke: “Oh noble trashy I have come to seek your help- There is an evil rising in the Land Beyond the Kelp. The reef has been polluted with innocent fish blood. The manta rays are dying The squids are being squud. The Crab Kingdom is crumbling There is bile on the beach The octopuses left have but seven pusses each. Will you help us Trashy to defeat the rising evil? Will you be the savior of the underwater people?” Trashy considered the plight of the Land Beyond the Kelp. And he answered thusly. Mermaid, : My mother was a rock star And my dad is the sun and I nursed in the great grey beard of Poseidon I invented Science I taught Odin how to dance My fins are made of metal and my pants are made of pants I will help you mermaid! I will save you home! I will slay the daemon But I can’t do it alone For Trashy had fallen in love with the mermaid princess, and together they began an epic training montage. They rode sea panthers, hurled boulders, dueled with swordfish, and ran up the steps of Poseidon’s palace. This training montage was so epic that it led into the super secret part, 1, 2, ready go. The mermaid and the fish Fell in love like this It was real it was true salty and blue The hero and the maid, what a team they made Gonna fight gonna swim gonna save the kingdom Guitar Solo! And after many days of kung fu, archery, and underwater Pilates, the mermaid finally said to Trashy, Your mother was a rock star And your dad was the sun And you nursed in the great grey beard of Poseidon. You invented science and taught Odin how to dance Your fins are made of metal Your pants are made of pants Trahy, you have trained well I have taught you all I know But we must fight the Demon King So now it’s time to go! And so trashy and the mermaid made a journey to the land beyond the kelp. They saw many strange things along the way. Like an underwater moose, and a door that opened into Trashius’ very own soul. At one point, Trashy had to pilot a miniature submarine through the digestive track of a shark. And solve a rubix cube. Which was on fire. Finally, they came to the Land beyond the Kelp to confront the Demon King.   Trashy rode his sea panther onto the sandy plain His metal fins they glistened in the underwater flames The demon king came forth: he was a hundred stories high, with nipples made of missiles and laser guns for eyes. The Demon summoned creatures made of cartilage and fear Trashy dodged the creatures and he raised his father’s spear. Trashy threw his spear with the force of a freight train. The javelin flew true and struck the monster in the brain. The Demon King exploded Noble trashy saved the day the fish came out of hiding and they all began to say, Trashy’s mother was a rock star and his dad is the sun and he nursed in the great grey beard of Poseidon. He invented science and taught Odin how to dance his fins are made of metal his pants are made of pants Let us sing of noble trashy The savior of the sea The one who slew the demon king who swims for you and me.

3.5 On It Canton High, do or die getting recognized cause my grades are fly. I’m on honor roll so you best respect me I get As and Bs every time they test me. Don’t step to me or I’ll beat you down, calculate the speed at which your back hits the ground, Cause I’m cool like that, in physics and math and science and history, don’t mean to be crass, but I don’t give a flip about you haters, I’m an academic, y’all couch potaters, you sit and you smoke and you toke and you joke, your mind’s atrophy while my knowledge grows exponentially like the universe, contemplating every single atom of this earth. I’m here to learn, I’m here to burn the Fire that’s inside me’s like a lamp that can’t be turned off, or even dimmed with a shade. My ambition engine is internally inflamed. I live in awe, of God’s creation. I turn my essays in on time with perfect punctuation. With grades like mine, it’s a sure bet when the scholarship sails I’ll be lounging on the deck watching the waves, feeling alive, cumulative GPA 3.5. It wasn’t easy, but I made my goal: Canton High, 4th nine weeks honor roll. I keeps it real, so now you know. It’s time for class, so I’ve got to go. Peace.